Barefoot On A Gravel Path

January 13, 2019
Dear Diary,
36 days and it will be eight years
Eight years of my heart bleeding
From the gaping hole left there
The day my child took her last breath.
It is said there is nothing worse for a parent than to lose a child and I, unfortunately, know too well how true that statement is. The normal life is no longer, there is pain and emptiness to cope with daily.
Birthdays come and you wish you were baking a cake and wrapping gifts, instead, you turn the pages of old photo albums viewing the captured moments of birthdays past, with silly hats, candles & brightly decorated cakes.
Holidays come and go with an empty chair to “remember” and yes to honor
sometimes it helps as others recite time spent with the loved one in laughter, other times it is a painful reminder as you look upon that empty chair and the heart-wrenching pain grabs you and takes your breath away.
There is no longer a “normal” in your life, I know.
The last eight years have changed me personally from a strong woman who could handle life and all it threw my way, now, now I am but an empty shell. I am broken, life has kicked me over and over and I have not the strength to pull up my boot straps and be who I once was. I am no longer the clear thinking, get it done, quick to resolve situations person I once was. I have forgotten how to laugh, to live and be. Now I exist, I just exist. I envy those that can go back to normal I cannot, the pieces of me are scattered over the waters in The Lake of the Ozark, MO with the ashes of my beautiful child.

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