2017

I realize the year is not over but I feel the need to briefly write about some of the struggles.
January my sweet grandson took his life by stepping in front of a vehicle on the interstate, he left a voicemail saying he couldn’t handle his life anymore and wanted to be with his mom my daughter Klysta. They are together now.
My daughter Dusti Jean and grandson Eric left in Jan 2016 after the death of my ex-husband and I did not know where they were. Dusti still won’t come around but Eric does. He no longer lives with his mom as she has drug and emotional problems and won’t let family help her.
My youngest daughter and grandson live close and we see them quite a bit if she doesn’t get too sick, she has PTSD from severe domestic violence.
The end of June my husband became quite ill he lost fifty pounds in four weeks and we, doctors included thought he had cancer and was going to leave us. Thankfully it wasn’t that but he did lose a kidney and had a small stroke a TIA I believe is what they called it. He wears a catheter now and of course, the diabetes is hard to control. He has Alzheimer’s as well, every day is different but the change of his personality is what bothers me most, he was always such a quiet man like a big teddy bear in all aspects, but now he is angry and yells all the time at everything.
He was in the hospital for over a month and then in a rehabilitation center for a month so that brings us to September and a bit of normalcy with no sickness or death>
Now it is November and I am of course all weepy and depressed thinking of the holidays and all those that have left us and how empty my life is now.
I am grateful I really am but feel like if you could see into my mind and how empty it is you would understand my being so depressed. But what does it matter? I will continue on, remembering when I was strong and had a purpose when I was able to clean my own home, do my own shopping, laundry etc. I will be knocked down again and again but I will get up each time, for what else are we meant to do.

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