Does It Ever Stop?

Does it…ever? Is it because the holidays are approaching and Thanksgiving was the last holiday we had together? Probably but I feel shredded inside,  my  blood is slogging through my veins sustaining life that I don’t want. My eyes are continuously red and swollen. Pity party of one?  Yes God yes, I am wallowing in the self-pity of losing my child, and why not it isn’t like in the four years shes been gone I have had anyone to talk to about her. My “family” doesn’t understand the pain and my lashing out so they fight with me and disown me. If my husband could remember I am sure he would say the usual “it will be ok” Gah how I resent him for not going to her memorial service with me! I did everything packed, booked tickets , made the arrangements for his mother and other family members, what did he do when our daughter passed he flippin stayed home because he couldn’t leave the dog alone!!! The damn dog was more important. No I don’t expect at this late date for anyone to help me through this I just want my life to be over, so I don’t have to deal with this pain anymore.