I apologize in advance for not answering all the comments made on my blog and for not reading all the email and prompts today. I am in a great spiral of depression and fighting as hard as I can to keep myself up it is  hard the vortex is strong.
I was unpacking boxes in our store room last night (yes I know been here a year and should have been done already) anyway I ran across mementos of daughter then realized in forty days it will be two years she has been gone…there fore the depression. I am so angry right now and lets face it  feeling sorry for myself too.
I miss her so much, she wasn’t just my first born she was my best friend and I know God’s plan and all that but it still isn’t right she should still be here with me, for me as I age,  not gone and waiting for me.
I feel like the load is just so great and don’t know if I am strong enough to carry on at times like this. There are mountains, valleys, rivers I have been over and through but this one, this one may be the final step on this path of life if it continues to burden my heart  ….. 

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